What Are Friends For? The Answer’s Different, Depending on Your Personality Type

We all have our closest friends—the people who just get us, fill up our cup, the ones we call when times are tough. But have you ever stopped to think about why they’re the ones who made it into your inner circle? 

In work and life, we come across hundreds of people. Yet only a select few become good friends. You might think that comes down to an accident, serendipity or even a meeting of kindreds, but there’s actually something deeper at play. It’s all to do with the motivations that drive your personality.

The Seven Motivations for Friendship

According to psychologist and coach Claire Newton, there are seven major reasons why people make friends:

1. Social Belonging – People who value social belonging want to find their tribe; to feel part of a friendship group where they can be themselves and feel accepted. 
2. Emotional Support and Connection – These people value heart-to-hearts and having a safe space to vent. They want to feel like their friends have their back when the going gets tough. 
3. Intellectual Stimulation – These individuals want to feed their curiosity and creativity.  For them, a great friendship means philosophical conversations, debating big ideas and learning about the world.
4. Shared Interests – Whether it’s pilates, music or working for the same company, these people seek out friendships based on common ground. 
5. Personal Growth – Some people want friendships that challenge them to grow as a person. They want to feel inspired and motivated by the people in their lives. 
6. Networking and Practical Support – These individuals take the “if you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” approach to friendship. They look at how friends can serve their wider goals, whether that’s opening doors professionally, offering advice with personal problems or starting up a new venture together. 
7. Security and Stability – These individuals treasure enduring friendships. They feel calmed by the stability of having steady, long-lasting friends who know them well. 

These “friendship motivations” are usually subconscious—we instinctively gravitate toward certain individuals without fully realizing why. Most people will identify with at least two or three motivations in the list when reflecting on their closest relationships.

The 16 Personality Types and Friendship Decoded 

Looking at the list above, you probably click instantly with at least one friend description. Now take a look at your Myers and Briggs personality type. You’ll see why you and your BFF share such a strong bond based on the unique motivations that drive each of your personalities.

Introverts (I) vs. Extraverts (E)

According to Newton, Introverts and Extraverts approach friendships differently. Introverts, she says, “tend to seek a few deep, meaningful friendships. They often value emotional support, intellectual stimulation and personal growth, and tend to have small friendship groups.”

Extraverts, on the other hand, cultivate friendships for slightly different reasons. “They often enjoy a wide range of social interactions and have large friendship groups,” she says. “They may prioritize social belonging, shared activities and networking more than introverts.”

In other words, while an Introvert might form a friendship based on a shared love for deep conversations and harmonizing values, an Extravert is more likely to gravitate toward friendships that bring excitement and opportunity. 

Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N) 

Sensors—as the name indicates—rely on their five senses to process information. They’re practical, observant and grounded in real-world experiences. Because of this, Sensors typically look for friendships built on stability and social belonging. “They may prefer friends who are consistent and present in daily life,” Newton says. 

For Intuitives, friendships take on a different meaning. These individuals are big-picture thinkers who love exploring abstract ideas and questioning the ‘why’ behind things. Naturally, their friendships reflect that: “Intuitives are drawn to friendships that offer deep, abstract discussions or personal growth,” Newton says.

So, while a Sensor will likely cherish friendships based on proximity or shared history, Intuitives tend to make friends with people who prefer discussing “what could be” rather than “what is”. 

Newton offers the following example of these two personality dichotomies at work . “An INFJ will seek friendships for deep emotional connection and personal growth. They are selective about their friends but very loyal. The ESFJ desires friendships for social belonging, emotional support and shared experiences. They are often the ‘glue’ of friend groups.”

Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F) 

“For people with the Thinking preference, friendships often revolve around shared interests, problem-solving or logical discussions,” Newton says. “They may not always express emotions, but show loyalty through actions.”

For individuals with the Feeling preference, the onus is more on sentimentality. “They prioritize emotional connection, empathy and harmony in friendships. They often seek friendships for support, validation and shared emotional experiences,” she says. 

She gives the example of the ENTP, who “enjoys friendships that challenge their intellect and offer spontaneity. They may have many acquaintances but value those who engage them in debate.” For an ENFP, on the other hand, there must be an undercurrent of emotional safety and compassion as well as a shared focus on enjoying intellectual discussions. 

Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P) 

Last but certainly not least, how you organize your world can influence your motivations for seeking our friendship. Judgers like their outer world to be organized to maintain a sense of calm. For Perceivers, their inner mind needs to be organized to achieve the same. 

“People with the Judging preference prefer stable, structured friendships with clear expectations,” says Newton. “They value reliability and long-term connection.”

On the flipside, people who lean towards Perceiving “enjoy spontaneous, flexible friendships,” she says. “They often seek variety and adventure in their social circles.”

Is There Such a Thing as Friendship Incompatibility?

This isn’t to say people with Judging and Perceiving traits cannot be friends. In fact, their differences can create a natural balance—spontaneity paired with structure, flexibility paired with accountability. The same is true for  all the other personality type combinations. Their opposing traits can make for friendships that are more dynamic and well-rounded.

Opposites attract, as the saying goes. 

However, as Jessica Moore, licensed dynamic emotional integration specialist, explains to Bustle, which way you lean on the spectrum is less important than how far you lean. Contrasting preferences "aren't a big deal for compatibility if the two people are close to the middle of the spectrum,” she says. But when two people lean heavily in opposite directions, there is a risk that friendship styles will not gel. 

“The stronger the preference (outer edges of the continuum) the more dominant the traits will be,” Newton says. She uses the example of an ENTP with a high Extravert score and an ISFJ with a high Introvert one. It’s not that these types cannot get along. It’s more that, with such dominant opposing traits, their communication styles may clash. 

This is because “strong Extraverts think it as they are saying it,” Newton says, while “strong Introverts do not have that ‘need’ to talk.” This means a strong Extravert might think they’re carrying the conversation, while a strong Introvert might feel like they aren’t given the chance to speak, she explains.  

So, if you’ve ever met someone and felt like you just didn’t click, it could be that your preferences were highly contrasting. For the most part, though, a person’s type shouldn’t be a blocker to friendship. In fact, being friends with different types can be incredibly enriching—as long as you put in the work to understand each other. 

Using the 16 Types For Deeper Friendships 

Now that you know why you naturally gravitate toward certain people, you can use your insights to build stronger connections with your friends—and perhaps even make new ones.

For instance, if you’re a Feeling type with a Thinking friend or colleague, there may be times when you feel like your friend is too blunt or solution-seeking when you really need emotional support. But now you know that’s their way of showing they care. Similarly, a Thinking type can curb their instinct to solve the problem and spend more time understanding the emotional needs of their Feeling friend.

“Instead of forcing friendships to fit a mold, one can appreciate how different types contribute uniquely,” Newton says. “Recognizing these patterns enables people to cultivate healthier, more fulfilling connections by appreciating differences, adapting communication and ensuring friendships are based on genuine connection.”