How to Handle a Manager with Low EQ: 7 Strategies Everyone Should Know

You just delivered a presentation to a client but nerves got the better of you. A far cry from being cool and composed, you stumbled over your words and missed out a key point. It was a flop, but that’s not the thing that’s worrying you right now. No, you’re more concerned with how your manager is going to react. Will they shout at you in front of the office… again?

It’s not just about having a “bad day” at the office. How your boss acts directly affects how you feel and can seriously impact your well-being. In surveys, 69% of people say their managers affect their mental health more than their doctor or therapist. If you’re unlucky enough to have a manager with low emotional intelligence (EQ), you’ll know that all too well.

Signs You’re Dealing With a Low EQ Boss

Emotional intelligence is the capability of managing your own emotions and relating to those around you. It’s made up of five skills or behaviors:

• Self-awareness, the ability to recognize and name your own emotions.
• Social awareness, the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others. 
• Emotional control, the ability to manage your emotional experiences and react appropriately to the situation.
• Empathy, the ability to understand and relate to the emotional experiences of others. 
• Emotional Wellbeing, your overall state of emotional health, which usually shows up as a positive attitude toward life. 

If your manager has low EQ, it will impact every part of your work. High-EQ leaders have the power to inspire, motivate and empathize when they need to do so. When emotional intelligence is low, none of the above is possible. Let’s take a look at some of the signs that your manager is lacking one or more of the facets of EQ: 

• They push for constant perfectionism.
• They find it hard to regulate their emotions, which you may experience as them flying off the handle or becoming withdrawn and passive-aggressive when frustrated.
• They may criticize or publicly scold you.
• They have a fixed mindset (“This is just the way it is” or “My way is the only right way”),
•  They are not open to other people’s opinions
• They are insensitive or dismissive of other’s emotions
• They struggle to maintain collaborative and respectful work relationships.

Working with a manager with low EQ is never going to be easy. You may feel as though you’re walking on eggshells, afraid to make a single mistake for fear that they will blow up. Similarly, these types of people are more likely to engage in gossip and pit staff against each other.

Rather than getting dragged down by their behavior, or rage-writing your resignation letter, it’s much smarter to look into ways you can manage both yourself and them. We’ve put together seven strategies you can use to help.

7 Ways to Handle Your Low-EQ Manager

1. Switch up your communication style

Managers with low social awareness will struggle to read between the lines. If you’re subtly trying to hint at something, perhaps by using a certain tone of voice or body language to make your point, it’s likely they will miss the mark entirely. For that reason, it’s better to keep your communication direct and to the point. Leave zero room for misinterpretation.

Take care if you need to give them some feedback. People with low EQ can get offended if they perceive the feedback as personal criticism. You know you didn’t intend it to come across that way, but they may still hear it as an attack, so slow down and stick to observable facts as you modify how you deliver it. Instead of using “you” sentences (as in “you didn’t brief me well enough”), try “I” sentences (like “I need more clarification here”) or frame it around shared goals for the team (“We want this launch to go smoothly, so I’d love us to align on expectations next time”’).

2. Set clear boundaries while being professional

Nobody deserves to be humiliated in the workplace and, honestly, we all make mistakes. If your manager has a penchant for public dress-downs, you don’t have to stand for it. Speak to them calmly and professionally, stating that you’d prefer feedback to be given in private. Should this not work, you can always speak to HR about the problem and set clear boundaries around when, where and how performance conversations should happen going forward.

3. Work on building of trust with your manager

Trust won’t fix everything with a low-EQ boss, but it can take a lot of heat out of day-to-day interactions. Focus on being consistent and predictable in the way you communicate and follow through on what you say you will do. That does not mean you have to be perfect. It means things like giving realistic timelines and meeting them and flagging issues early. Over time, a solid track record makes it less likely they will second-guess you or assume the worst when something goes wrong.

4. Give them structured work updates

If your boss tends to micromanage, which is common in people with low EQ, beat them to it. Start giving them structured updates of your process. This makes your manager feel as though they are in the loop, and means that they’ll be more comfortable with your output.

5. Try not to take their lack of empathy personally

Your manager’s lack of emotional intelligence is their problem, not yours. There will be times when they get riled up for no good reason. There may be times when they say something insensitive and don’t consider the impact of their words. Unfortunately, you can’t control that.

What you can control is how you respond to them. Try not to take their words personally. The way that they communicate has everything to do with them and very little to do with you. Look for an outlet, such as friends or colleagues, where you can process their behavior in a healthy way.

6. Look at ways to boost your own EQ

While you can’t force your boss to do some self-work, boosting your own EQ can help you when it comes to dealing with them. Emotional intelligence isn’t static, and there are plenty of ways to increase it, including:

• Mindfulness practices
• Starting a gratitude journal
• Use emotion cards to help you identify your feelings and reactions
• Box breathing when you’re overwhelmed

Taking Truity’s Emotional Intelligence (EQ) test will give you a clear baseline of which emotional skills are already strengths for you and where you have the most room to grow, so you can focus your efforts instead of guessing.

7. Document everything (as a contingency)

If your boss veers into toxic territory, you want to have a well-documented list of exactly what happened. That could look like getting things in writing (yes, an email counts!) or writing down when specific things took place. Be clear on when poor behavior crosses over into harassment. Should you need to contact HR, the information you’ve gathered can be used as evidence

Moving Forward with Your Low-EQ Manager

More and more organizations are waking up to the fact that EQ is a core leadership skill, which means your low-EQ manager’s behavior may already be on the radar and something they are being coached to improve. In the meantime, adapting your own approach – from how you communicate to how you set boundaries – can make day-to-day life with them more manageable and protect your mental health. And if you have tried those strategies and the situation is still toxic, it is completely valid to start looking for a role where the leadership culture is healthier and more emotionally aware.